It must be a very long time since I wrote the last post.
Kindda miss this home, but unable to reach that soon...
So sorry.

I enjoyed my (about) 8 months love story with Hidari. The last post I wrote about him.. To be honest, I read them over and over for this last a couple of week. I may not good in writing, either in speaking. Seriously, don't ask. It'll be an honor to get lost with him. Have you ever feel being loved by someone you loves more? Well, I have.. maybe.


The more I'm trying to, the more I have nothing..
So wasting, isn't it?
But, let me say. Hidari is really really really adorable man. He even tried so hard to get a new earns and impressed me. He don't know about this post.. Just like I don't know about his "secret" story about me in his blog. Yeah, the most special birthday gift was came from his blog. So adoreable. So lovely. Either my mom said that I must be lucky to have him this far.

Hidari is so special. Forgodsake, I rather run through the spooky forest if his not. But sometimes it feels like, "Who Am I?". Am I really means nothing in his sight? Am I just an official "girlfriend" to be proud of? Am I just me to claimed that he is not a gay? (Aw, that's rude) or Am I just a person to be contacted in every "lonely" time? Yeah, sometimes, it just ruined my head.

Well, in this last 32 days (exactly), I'm trying to know him more. The way he hug me, the way he look at me, the way he laugh, the way he talks about something (or anything), the way he started our daily conversation, the way he texted me, the way he call my name..

Everything... It's seems to be something that I don't know. I am not saying that he is changed, but I think I just did some stupid. I am too scared because I love him more, than any other days before.

In everysingle night I've tried to stop thinking about it, in everysingle night he just texted me the same format of saying "Good Night". Once, I've told him to greet me morning text in another form, he did it. Again. He always do his best for what I'm saying. But I don't know, it feels like I'm the only one who were trying to keep this love on a track. It's annoy me. This feeling is really annoy me, for sure.

He woke up early, he greet me a morning text, we chat for about 10/15 times in the morning and then it's silence. Until 5pm or something, he told me that he is on his way back home. Then we chat again, not so routine, for about an hour. And silence again...

Until 9pm or something, he texted me that he's home safely. After his daily routine, we just sent our Good Night texts, and go to sleep. And it's happen for almost everyday.

I've told him about my feeling, last night. As always, as the way he is.. He took it easily like I'm not the one who had the feeling. I began to cry that night, and I don't know why this fucking tears comes down when I typed this sentence. I spent my whole night by thinking of him. By wondering that this is really for our good... and we will get off through this as soon as the morning comes. It's not that easy, doesn't it?

Baby,
In case you have not got the point.
I'm saying that I need your time.. Not just for texting, saying "I Love You" or more than that. I'm afraid of losing you.. and all of our dreams.

I'm waiting...

For the time that we shouldn't have a miles away..

Just for saying I love you.




xoxo,
the Migi.